Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
