Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
