Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
