and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
