it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
