At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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