I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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