i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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