swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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