If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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