i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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