I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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