you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
