if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize