The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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