Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
