Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
