I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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