he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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