nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
