holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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