I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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