I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
