she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
