A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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