I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize