Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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