I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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