and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
