theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
