I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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