oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
