just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
