is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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