I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
