after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
