just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
