I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
