Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
