That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
