just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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