cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
