Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
