Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
