We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
