yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
