hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
