So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just invented taco cereal.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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