Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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