I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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