You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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