All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
