You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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