Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
