i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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