More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
