apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
