my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
