Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
