My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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