Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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