Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
