i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
