I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
