It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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