I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
