I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
