omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
