I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
