Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

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(530): View more from California

Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.

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(417): View more from Missouri

When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

well in DOG beers, i've only had one

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.

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