Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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