Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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