I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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