I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
