Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
